.. introspection, a meme ..

Sunshine at izzies 121913

“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
                                                                              ― C.G. Jung

A while ago, I had thought about doing one of the Monday memes that Strawberry Singh posts on her blog, but then I put that thought away while focusing on other things.  Then several weeks back, Berry posted her Introspection meme and my interest perked up again.  Now, a month later, I am finally putting my fingers to the keyboard and making this happen.  Perhaps I’ll try some of the other memes that Berry has posted, but I’m not going to make any promises for now.

  1. Regardless of your current number, how old do you actually feel? – Mentally, I feel no more than 30, and that is way off from my current number.  There are days when I physically feel closer to my age, but mostly… I feel younger!
  2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? – Never trying… trying might turn in to success, and why wouldn’t you want to go that route?  Sure, after a few fails, it might be more difficult to try again, but I will tell you, trying again will always be the better option!  (well, unless it is trying to do something destructive)
  3. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? –  Well for one thing, I would apparently be dead.  But if 40 was the average span, I don’t think I would have focused as much on my career.  I would have traveled more, volunteered more of my time and not worried so much about building a nest egg for my post retirement years.
  4. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? – Argh.. this one is tough.  I worry in general, and I always want to do things the right way.  However I also want to do the right things.  Let’s just say I’ll worry about both of these.
  5. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? –  Well we have established that I am a worrier…but I think I’d rather be a joyful simpleton as long as I was productive and had some type of success.
  6. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? – Yes, for the most part, I think I have.  I am a listener, a comforter and try to be there when my friends need me.  I do need to reach out and initiate conversation more often as I am often challenged with that (hate to disturb people).
  7. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now? – I remember something happening that was very upsetting at the time, but nope, it doesn’t matter now.  It worked out for the better and also offered a life lesson.
  8. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? –  Another difficult question… I’d have to work out the financials, and investment options, but I probably would still work. I might change careers or jobs to do something I enjoy more or would be more rewarding.  In other words, the salary would no longer be a driving force.
  9. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? – My mom.  I only see her a couple of times a year as it is, and yep..I’d do all I could to get there for one more visit.
  10. What do you feel is the difference between being alive and truly living? – Truly living is enjoying life and making a difference (to yourself or others);  making the choices to experience new things and repeat enjoyable activities.  It is about growing and learning and not allowing yourself to become stagnate.  It is about love of people and of life.  Being alive is merely organic existence.
  11. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? –  Some mistakes hurt.  Some mistakes are difficult life lessons.  Some mistakes cause pain to others and can sever relationships.  And there are those mistakes where the lesson learned is difficult to find.  While we might learn, the repercussions of making the mistake are the main reason for the fear one faces.
  12. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? –  I worry more about being happy with the choices I make than what people might say, but I think that sometimes I do let others sway the choices as well.  I’m not sure what I would do differently… I’ll have to think on this one for a while.
  13. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? –  To live life with an open mind and to try to avoid learning prejudice from those around them.

Sunshine in snow 121913

“To find out what is truly individual in ourselves,
profound reflection is needed;
and suddenly we realize how uncommonly
difficult the discovery of individuality is.”
C.G. Jung

So that wasn’t so difficult… perhaps I will try to do more of these!


Candy Skin ~America 02 from Glam Affair by Aida Ewing
Deep Sky Eyes from Mayfly by Arkesh Baral
Dainty Black Lashes from Beetlebones by Suetabulous Yootz
AvEnhance Mesh Hands – Casual from Slink by Siddean Munro
Hands – Avatar Enhancement Appliers for Slink Mesh Hands from Glam Affair by Aida Ewing
Opaque Gloss Fingernail Appliers for Slink Mesh Hands from KOSH by Lynaja Bade (The Arcade Gacha Event
Luna Ring [18] RARE from Shakeup! by Carrie Janick (The Arcade Gacha Event)
Trinity Pearl Earrings – White/Platinum from Earthstones by Abraxxa Anatine
Danika Dress – Hunter from EccentriciXI by diacentra Edenbaum (gift, thank you!)
Buckle Wedge Bootie – Forest – from Tulip by Minami Susanowa
Claire Mesh Hair – Reds from Wasabi Pills by MissAllSunday Lemon

Pose/Prop:  Adorkable by Adorkable Peapod

Location: Izzies

.. memories ..

“But (s)he wasn’t around, and that’s the thing when your parents die,
you feel like instead of going in to every fight with backup,
you are going into every fight alone.” 
                                                                 ~ Mitch Albom, For One More Day

Blog Memories 102313

I lost my biggest fan on this day sixteen years ago.  My dad passed away on October 23, 1997, and it really changed my life.  I was not a child, nor even that young.  We were actually incredibly blessed that my dad was still with us until then.  But all the same, he was the one that I could always turn to for advice, assistance, support and he was absolutely my cheerleader.   Losing him was difficult and I still miss him every day.  He was very special to me and to our family.  He was the glue

When I was four years old, my dad suffered a very serious coronary episode that took him away from us for weeks.  He was 39 years old.  It happened during the night and he was taken away in an ambulance but I have no recollection of that night at all.  I do remember the days after when my grandmother came to stay with us and she brought her puppies which was heavenly for me.  I remember going to visit the hospital where they had taken my dad but I don’t remember seeing him… I don’t think I was allowed to go in to his room, but my older brothers were.  And I do remember when he came back home and we were so happy to have him there.  He went back to work and everything was normal for us… in my little mind.

We had a lot of fun as kids.  My dad owned his own business and worked a tremendous amount – for many years, that meant 7 days a week.  But he always made sure we knew that he cared for us and he spent time with us as much as possible.  We ate dinner together nearly every night.  Our vacation times were mostly spent on a houseboat on the Tennessee River where we slept out in coves overnight, jumped in to the river with ivory soap to bathe and swam like fish.  At dusk we would throw our food scraps out for the raccoons to come down to the shore and wash their hands and faces before devouring their dinner.  This is when we truly understood our dad’s love of nature – animals, plants, water… and it is when he shared his love of gazing at the moon and stars.  It was always so dark out there, and we could see sooo many stars.

When I was around 8, my dad jumped on a friend’s motorcycle and sped off the back of our driveway retaining wall through the air and through the trees.  I was so scared that he was going to die and my mom and their friend were laughing their butts off.  Thankfully my dad missed the trees and just came to a halt on the ground about 25-30 feet off the wall.  But that incident meant… motorcycles for my dad, one of my brothers and yes, one for me.  I would jump on my little 50cc Honda mini-bike and tool around following my dad and brother on all these country roads.  It was so much fun.  In the summer, we would stop at a customer’s house and raid their watermelon patch, or in the autumn/winter, check out the pumpkins and hay fields.  If the ride was too far away or we had to go on the highway, I would jump on back of my dad’s bike and be happy as a lark just to be with him.

Then, when I was around 9 or 10, we were sitting down to watch some sit-coms after dinner.  I was in my usual place, right next to my dad on the sofa when he rubbed his chest.  My mom noticed and asked him if he was okay.  He said it was just indigestion and my mom said… I don’t think so, I’m calling the doctor.  My dad was admitted to the hospital again that night for another coronary incident and while not as severe, it was still not good.  By this time, by-pass surgery was an option and my dad’s doctor felt he was a good candidate.  So off he went   This time he was gone for a little less than a month…and again I was not allowed to see him in the hospital.  He came home and for his recovery, we went for walks together every day enjoying the outdoors and watching for birds and other wildlife.  He improved again and was back to work in a month or two and life went on… lots of time on the river and lots of fun at home.

As I moved through the years, I remained very close to my dad.  When I did not live nearby, he would call me and ask me to look at the moon with him because ..  it was something we could share from afar – the same moon. He would tell me about the sunsets he had seen, or about the birds that he fed.  He would talk about things he and mom were doing and what books he was reading.  He would share stories about his long bike rides and how much fun he was having doing that.

It was when he was on one of those bike rides that he found himself waking up after taking a spill that he did not remember.  This took him to the doctor… nearly 22 years after the first by-pass surgery.  They found his heart was stopping and he was admitted for surgery once again.  While my dad was physically fit, his heart was not.  He had another quadruple bypass surgery and a valve replacement.  It was a tough surgery and we thought we lost him on the table but the doctors were able to bring him out of surgery.  What was supposed to be a 3-4 hour surgery was nearly 9 hours.  It was so hard on my dad and his recovery was very representative of that.  I did not live close at that time, but I visited often and my parents spent time with me too.  And about 3 years later, I had the opportunity to make a move with my company to live near.  I am ever thankful that I did… I moved in August and in October, my dad went back to the hospital due to some issues.  He was doing pretty well, we thought.  I was going to visit him on the 22nd of October, but he told me to wait until he was home as he was to be released the next day.  I listened to him and agreed.

To this day, I really wish I had made the drive to the hospital.. the next morning at around 6am, my phone rang.  My mom was calling to tell me to get to the hospital..that my dad was not doing well..  The drive to the hospital took an hour and when I got there, I joined my mom, my oldest brother and his fiancé.  We gathered around my dad who was not fully conscious and let him know we were there.  A nurse came in … and held my dad’s hand and told him that it was okay for him to let go… that we were all there and that we would be okay… and my dad took his last breath and passed away with us standing there with him.  It was one of the hardest moments of my life but he was no longer in pain, no longer struggling and he was at peace.  My dad was not young when he died .. he was 70.  I was not young when he died..  I was 35.  But I was not ready for it to happen.  Are we ever?

My dad was a good man, he was a true gentleman. He enjoyed a good joke but never cursed.  He was intelligent and kind.  He was easy to talk to and a good listener.  His customers always loved him and it was always a joy to work with him.  My dad was sensitive and wouldn’t let us watch sappy TV shows or movies because he didn’t want to cry in front of us.  When he received a gift that made him all sentimental ..he would find an excuse to leave the room.  He loved us through and through.  He supported our dreams and our visions and encouraged us through every win and every struggle.  I miss him, and I know I always will.

Every time I look at the moon, I believe that I am still sharing it with him.  Every time that I discover a beautiful flower or see a pretty bird or hear a waterfall… I think of my dad.  Cherish the time you spend with loved ones…and make memories – good ones, that you will always hold in your heart.

~Sunshine ❤

Candy America 02 skin from Glam Affair by Aida Ewing
Deep Sky Eyes from Mayfly by Arkesh Baral
Minimalist Lashes from Beetlebones by Suetabulous Yootz
Harley hair from Truth by Truth Hawks 
Turtle Neck Basic Sweater from Tee*fy by Azure Electricteeth 
Fall Tweeds II Pants from *BOOM* by Aranel Ah
AvEnhance Hands – casual from Slink by Siddean Munro
AvEnhance Feet – mid from Slink by Siddean Munro
Odette Heels (Slink Feed Add-on) from Ingenue by Betty Doyle (Collabor88)

Location: seni seviyorum

°•♫•°Listening to..°•♫•°

Relay for Life in Second Life 2011

Can you believe it?!?  Only 4 days until the big event!!  On July 16-17, 2011, thousands of Second Life avatars will line the Relay for Life track in our virtual world to celebrate another awesome fund-raising season.  For 24 hours, avatars will make their way along the track through 34 sims, over and over to increase awareness of Cancer, and the need to raise funds for research and other programs.  During the 24 hours, it is a time that to celebrate those that have conquered their bout with cancer, remember those that have succumbed the disease and to encourage those that are in the midst of their battle.  It is an incredible event – moving, enlightening, awakening, etc.

While this event takes place in Second Life, there are Relay for Life events all over the world.  The Relay for Life event is the signature fund-raising event for the American Cancer Society and takes place in over 5000 communities in the US and 20 countries world-wide.  During the 24 hour relay, in every RFL event, there are three traditions that take place.  These help participants Celebrate, Remember and Fight Back.  The Celebration is recognized with A Survivor’s Lap, where all those battling and surviving with cancer take a lap while all other participants cheer for them!  Remember is commemorated with the Luminaria Ceremony, during which participants walk the track in silence, remembering all those that have been touched by cancer and those loved ones lost to the disease.  Luminarias (candles lit inside a bag) line the track and each one represents a person being honored or remembered.   Then, Fight Back is a ceremony that allows us all to make a personal commitment to fight back and do what we can to prevent cancer.  During this lap, we make our pledges and encourage all to join us.  The entire Relay for Life in Second Life campaign is a rewarding experience.  The 24 Hours represents that fact that Cancer Never Sleeps…and we all stay on that track as long as we can.

“Spring passes and one remembers one’s innocence. Summer passes and one remembers one’s exuberance. Autumn passes and one remembers one’s reverence. Winter passes and one remembers one’s perseverance.” – Yoko Ono

The 2011 theme is Seasons of Hope.  The track in Second Life this year is laid out with different sections representing the seasons within a year.  From Winter, to Spring, to Summer and to Autumn… our ever-changing year.  In each section, teams have set up their “campsites” which will be the home base for the weekend.  These campsites should match the seasonal theme and represent the team’s commitment to Relay.  The team campsites are augmented by Designer sims where a known sim creator donates their time and effort to express their creativity and interpretation for Relay.

This will be my fourth Relay in Second Life and while my team, Eternal Beacon, has had a challenging fund-raising year, the core of us stick together through thick and thin and push to make a difference.  In my view, every Linden or Dollar raised, in world or via convio is an important one.  We have been busy building our campsite which is located in the Autumn section.  Our own theme is Harvesting Hope and we have created the Hope Ranch.

We hope that you will join Relay for Life in Second Life this year, and that we see you out on the track!!

Until there is a cure, I Relay!!


*Hope Ranch is located on the RFL Recovery Sim and will be available to all starting on 7/16/2011 and probably just for a few days.  It was lovingly created by Dys Babii, Pinkie Fellini, Sunshine Zhangsun and Dione Kohime.  🙂